I am having deep existential thoughts today or perhaps silly ones. What makes us happy? What makes us unhappy? How much control do we have over how we feel? How much does our environment matter?
After a couple weeks of illness and chaos and doubts and seriously disliking Guatemala, I have come to another balance today and feel very content to be here. I will try to remember that I may feel differently tomorrow or even in a couple of hours.
It is occurring to me how much I need small rituals in my life, especially in this situation where I have no real home in the traditional sense. I am back on the deck of the Mikaso Hotel, where I can get unlimited internet access for the price of a drink. I come here every day now to write and think and look and will bring my camera so I can share photos of this unbelievably beautiful view of the mountains and lake. I have met the employees here. Manu (sp?), the manager, is from Spain and has asked me for English classes. I will probably say no for lack of time, but I said I'd get back to him on Monday. The waitresses, Sandra and Sonia, are sisters. Tdoay I met Sandra for the first time and had a lovely talk. About a half hour later I asked her about the drink I had ordered, and she laughingly said she had forgotten. These kinds of exchanges are funny for me because I am the only person she has to serve, but why be upset? I have plenty of time.
I have been going to bed at 9:00 and waking up at 5:00 now that I have most of my energy back. The last three mornings I have gone down to el embarcadero for coffee and breakfast. Las lanchas still fascinate me. Today I saw one of the pilots crossing himself before he took off across the lake. It makes me happy to see the boats and to be on them. The only boats on the lake are the lanchas, the dugout canoes of the fishermen who catch fish and crab, and the occasional kayak. In the mroning, some of the fishermen, after cleaning their boats, strip down to swim trunks and jump in the lake for a bath. the baots have names like Huracan, Relampago, El Viejo, Manuelita...
Coming back from el embarcadero, I stopped at the school. I also find someone to talk with. Today I brought Selvin coffee from the local internet cafe, and we talked about his mother, who is very ill. Manuela told me about her children, Javier and I talked about his progress in English, Elijio and I chatted for a few minutes during his morning break...
This week I have been realizing that most of the teachers really have very little formal education or training, which makes it hard to have more than very simple conversations in English. I try to encourage them as much as I can, but the reality is that most of our communication is in Spanish because it tires them to speak English. I am learning more and more about them and their lives and realize that I have a growing role here as confidante to some of them. They are beginning to tell me of their lives, their dreams, their gaols, their frustrations, their fears and concerns, often in English.
Today it was funny not to go to La U. I miss the students there but realize how much I needed the break from that long day. I am so happy to have some time to reflect and think and walk and talk... It has been an unbelievably beautiful day with more sun than we have seen in weeks and a fresh breeze coming across the lake. Most days we budnle up here, so it is noce to have only a light jacket which I need just because I am in the shade.
Cynthia, the woman I rent from, and I are becoming friends. She has a lovely dog named Shadow she rescued and a crazy kitten who is queen of our courtyard. Unfortunately Shadow is sick, and Cynthia is afraid he has distemper since he was not vaccinated and is acting sick. She is in a nearby village today where she is building a house, so I am checking in on Shadow periodically and hoping for the best... It doesn't look good.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Niko y Francisco (Chaquillo)
Two of my favorite teachers! As far as I am concerned, Niko (left) has one of the most beautiful smiles in the world. He's the teacher I had a run-in with the first day, and since then I have made a point of mending fences with him, to good result. He is one of the best English speakers in the school and also the salsa teacher. I am may get up the nerve to ask him for lessons one day before I leave. Chaquillo, not to be confused with the other Francisso, gave me my first motorcycle ride in years the other day. It's interesting to me that the streets around the school are too narrow for tuc-tucs or cars, but motorcycles are allowed.
Omar
Omar is one of my favorite teachers. Did we see a theme here? He is very sweet and always interested in learning more English. This morning I went to el embarcadero (the dock) for breakfast and ran into him on his way to teach in San Marcos. We had a lovely talk, mostly in Spanish but with a few English questions sprinkled in.Estela
Estela is the first teacher I met when I arrived in San Marcos five weeks ago. We have not gotten to know each other very well because she oftens teaches in San Marcos rather than San Pedro. She is a very active and involved student of English and has a great desire to learn and work. She, along with all the other maestras, wears the traditional dress of the village.Selvin
This is Selvin, the "receptionista" in the Spanish school. His title is quite misleading because he is part of the management of three, along with Ramón (the owner) and Rafa (my teacher and the human resources director). Selvin also scrubs the floors, schedules the classes, registers the students, cleans the bathrooms, makes the coffee, and generally takes care of all of us. Selvin and I have many good conversations, mostly in Spanish, although we also try to meet every morning at 7:00 to study English. He is one of my (many) favorite people at the school, and he just told me this morning that one of my other (many) favorite teachers, Julio, is his brother.Friday, July 11, 2008
Friday, July 11
This has been one crazy week. I have still been fighting a bad cough which is finally resolving and didn't realize until midweek, with as always invaluable insights from my friend Steve, that I have been so exhausted that I have barely been able to put foot in front of the other. I did a lot of talking with him on my dirt cheap Guatemalteco cell phone with my dirt cheap minutes and have had several good conversations with people here as well.
Several things blew up/resolved this week. On a hunch I sent an e-mail to the new contact person at La U (after two people in a row went back to the States) asking about my pay. Turns out she thought I was volunteering my time to travel four hours and teach four hours every Saturday. There is no money to pay me, so she thanked me for my time, and my stint as a teacher trainer is over. If I weren't so exhausted, I would have considered continuing without pay, but I just don't have the energy. Honestly, the biggest factor was how to get up there some way other than in a chicken bus or in the back of a pickup truck through the mountains. This week I talked with the man who took Cristina back to the airport, and he said two chicken bus drivers were playing chicken around the curves when one driver lost and went over the cliff with his load of passengers.
It is "interesting" to sort out the limits of what I am willing to accept here. I have decided, and promised several friends and my daughter, that my chicken bus days are over. I have finally given up on washing my own clothes, at least mostly, and am paying 4Q/pound (7.some Q per dollar) to have them done for me. Then there is life as it unfolds. I had breakfast at a local restaurant yesterday and got my eggs and beans and bread (a hamburger bun) but no cheese as promised. Turns out the cheese wasn't delivered this week "por la lluvia," which continues to keep us all soggy and a little down. A friend and I had lunch in San Marcos today, but the owner had no change, so paying the bill was a little complicated. It's not unusual to go to a restaurant and discover that over half the items are not available or, as happened today in San Marcos, as far as I could figure, there was no food because the cook had left early. However, the waiter warmly welcomed us to come back any time, and it was a very beautiful restuarant, even with no food.
This week was the first time I thought about packing it up and going back to MN five weeks early. I had a series of frustrating exchanges at the language school after I had broached staying longer (something that is no longer an option, at least at this moment). The two administrators ohter than the owner suggested that we get the classes going before they decided whether it was worth keeping me around. I finally had a long talk with one of them yesterday, during which time I pointed out that I had already proved my worth, as evidenced by the number of English conversations I am generating with the Spanish teachers. I finally realized this week that I can determine my own value as a teacher and don't have to rely on other people's opinions. There does not appear to be a real commitment at the school to get a good English program underway despite my best efforts, and so I am concentrating on the teachers and working with them as best I can given their time constraints.
Today I took the day off from my Spanish classes, feeling that I was at the end of my energy in that regard as well. It was good to have a free day. I plan to spend the weekend away from the school until Sunday when I teach my next class, writing and reflecting and setting goals for the next five weeks.
Several things blew up/resolved this week. On a hunch I sent an e-mail to the new contact person at La U (after two people in a row went back to the States) asking about my pay. Turns out she thought I was volunteering my time to travel four hours and teach four hours every Saturday. There is no money to pay me, so she thanked me for my time, and my stint as a teacher trainer is over. If I weren't so exhausted, I would have considered continuing without pay, but I just don't have the energy. Honestly, the biggest factor was how to get up there some way other than in a chicken bus or in the back of a pickup truck through the mountains. This week I talked with the man who took Cristina back to the airport, and he said two chicken bus drivers were playing chicken around the curves when one driver lost and went over the cliff with his load of passengers.
It is "interesting" to sort out the limits of what I am willing to accept here. I have decided, and promised several friends and my daughter, that my chicken bus days are over. I have finally given up on washing my own clothes, at least mostly, and am paying 4Q/pound (7.some Q per dollar) to have them done for me. Then there is life as it unfolds. I had breakfast at a local restaurant yesterday and got my eggs and beans and bread (a hamburger bun) but no cheese as promised. Turns out the cheese wasn't delivered this week "por la lluvia," which continues to keep us all soggy and a little down. A friend and I had lunch in San Marcos today, but the owner had no change, so paying the bill was a little complicated. It's not unusual to go to a restaurant and discover that over half the items are not available or, as happened today in San Marcos, as far as I could figure, there was no food because the cook had left early. However, the waiter warmly welcomed us to come back any time, and it was a very beautiful restuarant, even with no food.
This week was the first time I thought about packing it up and going back to MN five weeks early. I had a series of frustrating exchanges at the language school after I had broached staying longer (something that is no longer an option, at least at this moment). The two administrators ohter than the owner suggested that we get the classes going before they decided whether it was worth keeping me around. I finally had a long talk with one of them yesterday, during which time I pointed out that I had already proved my worth, as evidenced by the number of English conversations I am generating with the Spanish teachers. I finally realized this week that I can determine my own value as a teacher and don't have to rely on other people's opinions. There does not appear to be a real commitment at the school to get a good English program underway despite my best efforts, and so I am concentrating on the teachers and working with them as best I can given their time constraints.
Today I took the day off from my Spanish classes, feeling that I was at the end of my energy in that regard as well. It was good to have a free day. I plan to spend the weekend away from the school until Sunday when I teach my next class, writing and reflecting and setting goals for the next five weeks.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Monday, July 7
This past week I continued to be sick, to the point that a doctor came to see me last Tuesday. He diagnosed a case of Giardea, which explained the 10 days of intestinal problems, as well as a case of grippe. I still have a cough but am doing much better. Many of the teachers at the school have been sick at one point or another in the past month. The weather is pretty nasty right now; we mostly have clouds and rain with very intermittent sun, and it feels almost impossible to get warm and dry. There has also been a festval in the town spanning two weekends, and even if the teachers don't go, they are kept awake until past 2:00 in the morning by the festivities. Fireworks go off at all hours, and bands play until 4:00am. It should be over today.
I am having one of the culture bumps I am so good at explaining to my students. At this moment I am less thrilled with Guatemala than I have been, and I feel lonely ansd unsettled. I realize that a great part of it is not feeling well yet; I get tired easily and can't walk very far, nor can I concentrate very well. I also feel very betwixt and between - neither a student nor a teacher completely.
However, there are still lovely times. When Cristina came, she brought a copy of PEACE IS EVERY STEP by Thich Nhat Hanh. Rafa ansd I are reading it together for his English lesson, and so I have a daily reminder of the importance of valuing every moment. Today in the Spanish part of our class, I talked with him about my feelings of loneliness and separateness, and he suggested that I use this time to learn to be with myself. Even though he and I have very different life circumstances, we are both working with questions of innner peace, and it is a gift to have him to talk with. In addition, we continue to have remarkable discusssions about language teaching and teacher education and training. I had never imagined that I would have this kind of rich exchange with another teacher, and I feel very blessed for this time with him and with other teachers at the school.
Right now I am sitting in the third floor restaurant of a beautiful hotel around the corner from my new home. I am the only customer, and for 5Q (under $1), I have ordered tea and may sit here as long as I want enjoying the view and the internet connection. The tea came in a wooden box, and I made my choice. It is a foggy early evening, and I can look out over the town and the lake. The view is indescribably beautiful, and I realize in this moment that I am choosing to be alone and a bit lonely.
I have moved, and my new home is snug and warm. I have my own bathroom (What a luxury!) and a shower with hot water. What a luxury! Yesterday I bought vegetables and made a soup. I am eating lots of yogurt to encourage my intestinal flora to return.
Cristina e-mailed earlier to tell me that on her way back to the airport in a private shuttle, she and the driver saw a chicken bus ahead of them go off a cliff. The driver told her that no one would have survived the crash. It is a (not good) sign of my acceptance of life here that my first reaction was, "I'm not surprised." I do have to wonder what it is like for the families of those on the bus to go on after such a common tragedy. Life is so different here...
We have finally cobbled together a schedule of classes. I will be teaching three groups of six - eight teachers in each group one class a week. This is not an ideal schedule but all that we work out given how full the school is. Almost all the teachers are working morning and afternoon at this point, and it will be interesting to see how much energy nthey have.
I am having one of the culture bumps I am so good at explaining to my students. At this moment I am less thrilled with Guatemala than I have been, and I feel lonely ansd unsettled. I realize that a great part of it is not feeling well yet; I get tired easily and can't walk very far, nor can I concentrate very well. I also feel very betwixt and between - neither a student nor a teacher completely.
However, there are still lovely times. When Cristina came, she brought a copy of PEACE IS EVERY STEP by Thich Nhat Hanh. Rafa ansd I are reading it together for his English lesson, and so I have a daily reminder of the importance of valuing every moment. Today in the Spanish part of our class, I talked with him about my feelings of loneliness and separateness, and he suggested that I use this time to learn to be with myself. Even though he and I have very different life circumstances, we are both working with questions of innner peace, and it is a gift to have him to talk with. In addition, we continue to have remarkable discusssions about language teaching and teacher education and training. I had never imagined that I would have this kind of rich exchange with another teacher, and I feel very blessed for this time with him and with other teachers at the school.
Right now I am sitting in the third floor restaurant of a beautiful hotel around the corner from my new home. I am the only customer, and for 5Q (under $1), I have ordered tea and may sit here as long as I want enjoying the view and the internet connection. The tea came in a wooden box, and I made my choice. It is a foggy early evening, and I can look out over the town and the lake. The view is indescribably beautiful, and I realize in this moment that I am choosing to be alone and a bit lonely.
I have moved, and my new home is snug and warm. I have my own bathroom (What a luxury!) and a shower with hot water. What a luxury! Yesterday I bought vegetables and made a soup. I am eating lots of yogurt to encourage my intestinal flora to return.
Cristina e-mailed earlier to tell me that on her way back to the airport in a private shuttle, she and the driver saw a chicken bus ahead of them go off a cliff. The driver told her that no one would have survived the crash. It is a (not good) sign of my acceptance of life here that my first reaction was, "I'm not surprised." I do have to wonder what it is like for the families of those on the bus to go on after such a common tragedy. Life is so different here...
We have finally cobbled together a schedule of classes. I will be teaching three groups of six - eight teachers in each group one class a week. This is not an ideal schedule but all that we work out given how full the school is. Almost all the teachers are working morning and afternoon at this point, and it will be interesting to see how much energy nthey have.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
