I am having deep existential thoughts today or perhaps silly ones. What makes us happy? What makes us unhappy? How much control do we have over how we feel? How much does our environment matter?
After a couple weeks of illness and chaos and doubts and seriously disliking Guatemala, I have come to another balance today and feel very content to be here. I will try to remember that I may feel differently tomorrow or even in a couple of hours.
It is occurring to me how much I need small rituals in my life, especially in this situation where I have no real home in the traditional sense. I am back on the deck of the Mikaso Hotel, where I can get unlimited internet access for the price of a drink. I come here every day now to write and think and look and will bring my camera so I can share photos of this unbelievably beautiful view of the mountains and lake. I have met the employees here. Manu (sp?), the manager, is from Spain and has asked me for English classes. I will probably say no for lack of time, but I said I'd get back to him on Monday. The waitresses, Sandra and Sonia, are sisters. Tdoay I met Sandra for the first time and had a lovely talk. About a half hour later I asked her about the drink I had ordered, and she laughingly said she had forgotten. These kinds of exchanges are funny for me because I am the only person she has to serve, but why be upset? I have plenty of time.
I have been going to bed at 9:00 and waking up at 5:00 now that I have most of my energy back. The last three mornings I have gone down to el embarcadero for coffee and breakfast. Las lanchas still fascinate me. Today I saw one of the pilots crossing himself before he took off across the lake. It makes me happy to see the boats and to be on them. The only boats on the lake are the lanchas, the dugout canoes of the fishermen who catch fish and crab, and the occasional kayak. In the mroning, some of the fishermen, after cleaning their boats, strip down to swim trunks and jump in the lake for a bath. the baots have names like Huracan, Relampago, El Viejo, Manuelita...
Coming back from el embarcadero, I stopped at the school. I also find someone to talk with. Today I brought Selvin coffee from the local internet cafe, and we talked about his mother, who is very ill. Manuela told me about her children, Javier and I talked about his progress in English, Elijio and I chatted for a few minutes during his morning break...
This week I have been realizing that most of the teachers really have very little formal education or training, which makes it hard to have more than very simple conversations in English. I try to encourage them as much as I can, but the reality is that most of our communication is in Spanish because it tires them to speak English. I am learning more and more about them and their lives and realize that I have a growing role here as confidante to some of them. They are beginning to tell me of their lives, their dreams, their gaols, their frustrations, their fears and concerns, often in English.
Today it was funny not to go to La U. I miss the students there but realize how much I needed the break from that long day. I am so happy to have some time to reflect and think and walk and talk... It has been an unbelievably beautiful day with more sun than we have seen in weeks and a fresh breeze coming across the lake. Most days we budnle up here, so it is noce to have only a light jacket which I need just because I am in the shade.
Cynthia, the woman I rent from, and I are becoming friends. She has a lovely dog named Shadow she rescued and a crazy kitten who is queen of our courtyard. Unfortunately Shadow is sick, and Cynthia is afraid he has distemper since he was not vaccinated and is acting sick. She is in a nearby village today where she is building a house, so I am checking in on Shadow periodically and hoping for the best... It doesn't look good.
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