Monday June 9

So many thoughts and impressions drifting through my mind and body… Every night when I climb up to my loft to sleep, I can feel my body thrumming with the energy of the day. It’s not tension, just energy, and my thoughts are slow. I take a few deep breaths and am gone. Every morning I wake up at 5:00 and sit on my porch, often with one of my kittens curled up on my lap, listening to the sounds of the birds, dogs barking in the distance, the voices and steps of locals walking by with their loads, and the occasional hard thud of an avocado falling. Daniel told me that the many dogs are guard dogs at night, and it is true that I only hear them then. During the day they go about their business, sometimes ignoring the people completely, sometimes quietly approaching for some affection. At the restaurants there is always a dog or two standing or sitting before us, patiently waiting for food. When we do give them something, they take it gently and eat it carefully. It is hard to see so many nursing mothers.
In the fall, when I go back to St Cloud, I will be living in a house overlooking the Mississippi River. I am so glad that I will still have water near me. I wonder how long into the fall I can sit on the deck and how many layers of clothing it will take to stay out there…
I feel that I am sorting out and reflecting on the past year, which has been very rich in some ways and very painful in others. Somehow here it all seems a little dreamlike but a good environment in which to reflect. I have been thinking a lot about my friendships. Since I have sold my house (closing is June 24) and have no roots in the traditional sense, it has occurred to me that my communities of friends are my roots. I have my friends in North Carolina, some of whom I didn’t value enough when I was there because of my own feeling of isolation and loneliness. I have my friends in St Cloud, some of whom can’t seem to stay put (OK, like me, I admit it). I have my ex-students around the world and my friends from various meetings. Then I have my growing community of friends in New Hampshire and Massachusetts, a group that has become dearer to me as we have shared the sorrow of losing our friends Edith and Albert and the joy of knowing they are in good hands and that they continue to bless us. How do I maintain all those friendships? Can they be keep alive in my heart, or do I need to see my friends? How can I find more frequent flyer miles? And where will I be next January? What delicious dilemmas!
Yesterday was a quiet day. I spent many hours sitting on my porch with one kitten or other, writing or reading or just sitting. Daniel showed up occasionally, hours after he had promised to, having been waylaid by yet another conversation. He is having such a good time chatting up the locals that I have come to expect no schedule but simply that I will see him at some point and that we will both always have stories and musings to share.
I spent quite a bit of time across the path at the internet café, sending e-mails, discovering to my delight that Lori in Istanbul and Miezan in Tunisia were both online at the same time. What a treat! The owner helped me figure out my new cell phone, and now I owe him $1B and remember how fun it is to flirt.
The woman from the university called last evening to apologize for my not being able to observe the class. After talking with her for a while, I realized that she has been caught in the middle of a chaotic situation and that what I have perceived as her flakiness is largely a matter of her having too many projects to handle. I have decided to fulfill my commitment to teach in the university program. This will entail six Saturday mornings. I can do that.
Today I will go to San Pedro to meet with Ramón, look for a place to live, and teach my first English class to the Spanish teachers. I will miss my lovely hone, but it will be a treat to make my own tea in the morning and buy food to cook. I have started to buy mangos (for $.30 each) and rolls, but it’s hard to manage eating well without a kitchen.
I have decided not to go to the conference in Antigua but rather to settle in and begin teaching and studying. Those of you who know my inclination to overextend will be pleased to hear that at this point I have only committed to teaching the four-hour class at San Pedro Spanish School and the four-hour training on Saturdays beginning in July.
Perhaps the children will have school today, although it rained again over the weekend. One woman explained to me that the children have to cross a river to get to the school and that’s too dangerous now with all the rain. There is damage and loss of lives all around the country. This morning there is some sun, but it is still cool. I find myself adding and shedding clothes throughout the day but have rarely been in short sleeves.